Conquering Emotions One Playlist at a Time: "Tears in Heaven"

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences a person will endure in their lifetime. It doesn’t matter if the death was expected or unexpected, the pain and the grief one feels is very real and can be seemingly impossible to cope with. 

The grieving process will look different for each person. There will be a big scrambled mess of emotions felt all at the same time. Sadness, heartache, anger, numbness, and the haunting question of “what if I had just done this differently or what if this could’ve been different” will be just a few of the things that run through your mind and body during this process. 
 
The time it takes to grieve is different for every person. Each person will take the time they need to go through the process of feeling their different emotions before they are able to find acceptance of the loss. Finding acceptance doesn’t mean you are ok with the loss or that you don’t still love or miss your lost loved one. It means you have accepted the loss is real, your feelings are real, and that you continue to find ways to cope in moving forward. You are able to work on creating a new normal of what your life will look like without that person. For some people it can happen in as short as a week or two, for others it can take years or even a lifetime. Don’t let anyone tell you that grieving has to be done in a certain timeframe. Take the time you need to find acceptance and your new normal. 
 
This weeks song is very close and personal to me. On January 20, 2002 I lost my dad. This was one of the most difficult, heart wrenching moments of my life. Initially I was numb, not wanting or allowing myself to acknowledge the loss or feel the pain. Then the overwhelming sadness set in followed by the never ending crying and intense feelings that physically made my heart hurt. Over time the crying lessened and I began to find acceptance of the loss. For me it took 13 years to go back to my dad’s gravesite and find complete closure to the experience. Up until that point I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to make it real. I knew he was gone, but if I saw his name on that headstone then it became a true reality. This was a difficult yet peaceful experience. I sat with him and talked to him, and truly believed he heard me. I finally was able to say goodbye. And every year since then I make it a point to visit him. In those moments I can feel like he’s not alone, and truly knows we love and miss him. 
 
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my dad, but I have found my ways of coping. I am still here, I still have a life to live, and I know he would want me to be happy, successful, and being the best person I can be. He always wanted the best for me, and I live continuing every day to live the best life I can. 
 
Grieving is hard. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process within whatever time you may need. But it’s also so important to continue to find a new normal, ways to be happy, ways to feel ok, as impossible as it may seem. You are still here living your life, and life is a gift that you only get one of, so allow yourself to find a way to move forward. Feeling ok or happy again doesn’t mean you stopped missing that person. No need to feel guilty, yet think of it as a way of living that your loved one would want you to live. 
 
This week’s song was the song I dedicated to my dad at my wedding. He wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle, but I found a way to keep him in my heart and part of this special experience. 
 
“Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton
 
 
Lyrics

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven